Transcript From My Interview to be Your Girlfriend

This is mostly me venting.

Me:
So as you can see from my resume, we have almost everything in common, so I think I would be an ideal candidate for this position.

Interviewer:
Yes I see that… You’re not very good-looking though, are you?

Me:
I suppose not, but I believe that might be an advantage. I’ve compensated by focusing my energies into developing a stellar personality.  Because of my looks, I also don’t have the high-standards that usually come with this type of personality and skill set. I also fit your needs in every other respect.

Interviewer:
Yes, I see that (sucks on teeth) but we don’t usually accept applicants that aren’t good-looking. Is there anything else you can present?

Me:
Well I’ve been single for a long time. This time alone has made me very self-sufficient and independent. As a result, I’m relatively easy-going and low-maintenance. Also, I‘m not overly clingy or jealous.

Interviewer:
Right… Do you think that you may become better looking in the future?

Me:
That’s hard to say, I suppose that it is a possibility.

Interviewer:
I see. Well we aren’t currently in the market for your particular type. We will keep your application on file. Should you become better looking, please don’t hesitate to call us. Based on your personality set, I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting a position as someone’s girlfriend. Remember it’s nothing personal. Good luck in your search.

Me:
Thank you for taking the time to interview me for the position.